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Sunday, November 9, 2014

Richmond, VA

Merry meet friends!

Michelle here, bringing lots of love and light

“Why should we live in such a hurry and waste of life?...I wish to live deliberately…I wish to learn what life has to teach, and not, when I come to die, discover that I have not lived…I do not wish to live what is not life…”   Henry David Thoreau, Walden

Bob Marley said, “Open your eyes, look within.  Are you satisfied with the life you’re living?”  If we’re not, then maybe it is time to make a change.  “We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us.”   E.M. Forster.

What is the life that is waiting for me?  I have asked this so many times in my life.  As a survivor of sexual and domestic violence and breast cancer, I feel that there is a reason I have survived.  Of course, if I had not, there would be a reason for that as well.  But since I did, I would like to know why I did.  It’s not enough for me that I did, the whys of things have always been important to me.  I wrote this poem in 1977 which explains this feeling.


I wonder what time

Has in store for me

I wonder what my purpose

In life could be.

We were all born to die;

We all know the reason why

But between birth and death,

There’s a space indefinite.

I can’t believe we’re put here

Only to exist

To say we’re only to survive,

To me is merely myth

There must be a purpose,

Something to fulfill

Perhaps I can find it,

I’m determined that I will.

What a moment that would be;

An everlasting proof

To know the reason for my birth,

To know at last the truth!

But until that day arrives,

I hope only to survive

This existence that’s so meager

Anticipating, hopefully,

A new rebirth so eager.  (Poetic license)

Michelle LaForest-Roberts © 1977

It’s extremely important to me to understand life and the meaning of it. 

I’ve always wondered why things happen as they do and what makes the mind work in the different ways that it does.  I believe that everything in life is energy emanating from the same source.  We are one with the source but are different expressions of it.  It’s similar to the waves in the ocean.  The ocean is in the waves and the waves are in the ocean but the waves are not the ocean.  They are just an expression of the ocean.  Some waves are higher than others and some are more forceful but they are all waves in the same ocean, none the less.  It’s the same with people.  We think and act differently but we are all still people from the same source.

I’ve been sad for the past two weeks.  I am an Empath so I never know when it’s my feelings or if I’m experiencing the feelings of others.  It could very well be my own though.  With the sun in Scorpio, which is also my rising sign, it is not unusual for me to experience sadness at present.  Scorpio is ruled by Mars and Pluto.  Mars is the planet of outward activity. “ Pluto is a force for change that can be destructive in its power.  As God of the underworld Pluto brings the deepest compulsions into the light.  Its position indicates areas of life that must ultimately become transformed as part of the soul’s evolution.  Scorpio is the most intense sign of the Zodiac, and is associated with sexual activity and with the symbolism of death and rebirth.  Their emotions run deep.” I guess my innermost feelings are coming to the forefront in order to be healed.

I’m discovering that I am affected by the Full Moon.  I often forget this because it’s once a month.  The days, sometimes weeks, leading up to it is when I begin to feel it.  I didn’t consciously recognize this until my friend, Sonya Brown, reminded me.  Once the Moon is actually full or the second day of its fullness, I seem to be “normal” again; whatever that is.  LOL!  As of this writing, the Moon is in Gemini.  My Moon is in Gemini, so even though the Full Moon affects me in an emotional way, the Gemini Moon would have me feeling communicative, light hearted and playful.  Go figure.  I am in the process though, of accessing my life and looking at the places we/I would normally keep hidden from us/me. 

Who am I, really?  Socrates said, “The unexamined life is not worth living.”  Based on this bold statement, it’s good that I am asking the questions.  I want to know who I am at the core.  “He who knows others is wise; he who knows himself is enlightened.”….Lao Tzu.  It’s not that I don’t know myself at all, it’s that I want to really know who I am.  What makes me tick?  Why do I act the way that I do?  Am I truly living life or am I pretending?  I refer back to the last part of Thoreau’s quote: “I do not wish to live what is not life.”  So what is life and how do I/we live it?  As my poem above says I don’t want to just survive.  I want to live, I want to live, I want to live!  If I’m feeling this way and I’m saying this, then it stands to reason that I am not living; at least not in the way my soul desires. 
But what is the desire of my soul?  That's another question that I've been asking for what seems like a lifetime.  The desire is to live but what does that mean for me?  There are the sayings of "Live out loud!, Live with gusto!, and so forth.  Does living life mean being who you are and not who people expect you to be?  Does it mean living boldly?  Does it mean living on purpose?  Does it mean no longer hiding from yourself?  For women, does it mean to let the wild, inherent nature out?  Does it mean howling at the moon?  Does it mean to just "be"? 
Am I over thinking this, as those close to me would say that I do?  How will I find the answers without asking the questions?  And as you can see, I have plenty!  As I become more of "me", I wish to express that.  Sometimes being me bothers people but sometimes it sets others free.  Thank you, Nessa Crescent Moon!  Howling at the moon can be so freeing.  It releases pent up feelings that we as humans suppress.  Observing nature and the animals can teach us how to live, I believe.  Eat when hungry, sleep when tired, eat from the earth and in season.  And definitely howl at the moon!

Life is a mystery to me and I have always liked mysteries since my Aunt Pat started us on mystery books as a child.  The process of figuring things out gets my adrenaline up and running.  But life is a mystery that’s still unfolding for me and probably always will.  I think every life is worth living, Socrates, however if what you stated is true, mine is, because I examine it to infinity and beyond.  Now that’s  some examining.  Life has twists, turns, ups, downs, mountain highs, valley lows, disappointments, exaltations, love, pain, beauty and creation.  All of these and more help us to “live life”.  Conan O’Brien said, “The beauty is that through disappointment you can gain clarity, and with clarity comes conviction and true originality.”   No, Bob Marley, I’m not always satisfied with the life I’m living, but it’s the one I have and I can/will make it count.  The journey continues.

Until next Sunday,

Merry part and merry meet again,

Blessed be…..

Gypsi Mama Michelle






1 comment:

  1. The question of the whys of life and how do we live it is as old as time itself. This is exemplified in your quote from Thoreau which was so on point and shows that nothing really changes from generation to generation. Thoreau lived and wrote in the 19th century and we still live in a hurry and, in doing so, waste time.

    I remember when I was a teenager and young adult, Mack would say, “come here Dick and do ‘whatever’ for me.” Of course I had to comply but I always did whatever hurriedly and he would always say, “slow down, you’alls are always in a hurry.” I dismissed it as annoying at the time but I fully understand and appreciate what he was saying because now I am always telling my son the same thing. (“Keep on living Darlin”) Young people are always in a hurry but to do what?

    I too have been reflective of late and find that there are many things I wish I had done differently but since life doesn’t allow us to go back and “do over” I have to take my eyes off of the rear view mirror looking at where I’ve been and look ahead through the windshield at where I’m going.

    I once attended a funeral and the eulogist pointed out that the dash between the sunrise and the sunset represents one’s life, i.e., 1935 - 2011. I believe that in the
    end it’s really not important HOW we lived our lives but THAT we lived our lives as the dash indicates.

    Let me close with some lyrics from Rascal Flatts which say in part - “Life's like a road that you travel on, when there's one day here and the next day gone. Sometimes you bend, sometimes you stand, sometimes you turn your back to the wind… Life is a highway, I wanna ride it all night long…”.

    Shout out and speaking of Scorpios: Today, November 9th at 6:19 p.m., is the 31st anniversary of my son’s birth. Happy Birthday Deo.