Merry meet friends!
Michelle here, bringing lots of love and light
“Why should we live in such a hurry and waste of life?...I wish to live deliberately…I wish to learn what life has to teach, and not, when I come to die, discover that I have not lived…I do not wish to live what is not life…” Henry David Thoreau, Walden
Bob Marley said, “Open your eyes, look within. Are you satisfied with the life you’re living?” If we’re not, then maybe it is time to make a change. “We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us.” E.M. Forster.
What is the life that is waiting for me? I have asked this so many times in my life. As a survivor of sexual and domestic violence and breast cancer, I feel that there is a reason I have survived. Of course, if I had not, there would be a reason for that as well. But since I did, I would like to know why I did. It’s not enough for me that I did, the whys of things have always been important to me. I wrote this poem in 1977 which explains this feeling.
I wonder what time
Has in store for me
I wonder what my purpose
In life could be.
We were all born to die;
We all know the reason why
But between birth and death,
There’s a space indefinite.
I can’t believe we’re put here
Only to exist
To say we’re only to survive,
To me is merely myth
There must be a purpose,
Something to fulfill
Perhaps I can find it,
I’m determined that I will.
What a moment that would be;
An everlasting proof
To know the reason for my birth,
To know at last the truth!
But until that day arrives,
I hope only to survive
This existence that’s so meager
A new rebirth so eager. (Poetic license)
Michelle LaForest-Roberts © 1977
It’s extremely important to me to understand life and the meaning of it.
I’ve always wondered why things happen as they do and what makes the mind work in the different ways that it does. I believe that everything in life is energy emanating from the same source. We are one with the source but are different expressions of it. It’s similar to the waves in the ocean. The ocean is in the waves and the waves are in the ocean but the waves are not the ocean. They are just an expression of the ocean. Some waves are higher than others and some are more forceful but they are all waves in the same ocean, none the less. It’s the same with people. We think and act differently but we are all still people from the same source.
I’ve been sad for the past two weeks. I am an Empath so I never know when it’s my feelings or if I’m experiencing the feelings of others. It could very well be my own though. With the sun in Scorpio, which is also my rising sign, it is not unusual for me to experience sadness at present. Scorpio is ruled by Mars and Pluto. Mars is the planet of outward activity. “ Pluto is a force for change that can be destructive in its power. As God of the underworld Pluto brings the deepest compulsions into the light. Its position indicates areas of life that must ultimately become transformed as part of the soul’s evolution. Scorpio is the most intense sign of the Zodiac, and is associated with sexual activity and with the symbolism of death and rebirth. Their emotions run deep.”..Astrograph.com. I guess my innermost feelings are coming to the forefront in order to be healed.
I’m discovering that I am affected by the Full Moon. I often forget this because it’s once a month. The days, sometimes weeks, leading up to it is when I begin to feel it. I didn’t consciously recognize this until my friend, Sonya Brown, reminded me. Once the Moon is actually full or the second day of its fullness, I seem to be “normal” again; whatever that is. LOL! As of this writing, the Moon is in Gemini. My Moon is in Gemini, so even though the Full Moon affects me in an emotional way, the Gemini Moon would have me feeling communicative, light hearted and playful. Go figure. I am in the process though, of accessing my life and looking at the places we/I would normally keep hidden from us/me.
Who am I, really? Socrates said, “The unexamined life is not worth living.” Based on this bold statement, it’s good that I am asking the questions. I want to know who I am at the core. “He who knows others is wise; he who knows himself is enlightened.”….Lao Tzu. It’s not that I don’t know myself at all, it’s that I want to really know who I am. What makes me tick? Why do I act the way that I do? Am I truly living life or am I pretending? I refer back to the last part of Thoreau’s quote: “I do not wish to live what is not life.” So what is life and how do I/we live it? As my poem above says I don’t want to just survive. I want to live, I want to live, I want to live! If I’m feeling this way and I’m saying this, then it stands to reason that I am not living; at least not in the way my soul desires.
But what is the desire of my soul? That's another question that I've been asking for what seems like a lifetime. The desire is to live but what does that mean for me? There are the sayings of "Live out loud!, Live with gusto!, and so forth. Does living life mean being who you are and not who people expect you to be? Does it mean living boldly? Does it mean living on purpose? Does it mean no longer hiding from yourself? For women, does it mean to let the wild, inherent nature out? Does it mean howling at the moon? Does it mean to just "be"?
Am I over thinking this, as those close to me would say that I do? How will I find the answers without asking the questions? And as you can see, I have plenty! As I become more of "me", I wish to express that. Sometimes being me bothers people but sometimes it sets others free. Thank you, Nessa Crescent Moon! Howling at the moon can be so freeing. It releases pent up feelings that we as humans suppress. Observing nature and the animals can teach us how to live, I believe. Eat when hungry, sleep when tired, eat from the earth and in season. And definitely howl at the moon!
Life is a mystery to me and I have always liked mysteries since my Aunt Pat started us on mystery books as a child. The process of figuring things out gets my adrenaline up and running. But life is a mystery that’s still unfolding for me and probably always will. I think every life is worth living, Socrates, however if what you stated is true, mine is, because I examine it to infinity and beyond. Now that’s some examining. Life has twists, turns, ups, downs, mountain highs, valley lows, disappointments, exaltations, love, pain, beauty and creation. All of these and more help us to “live life”. Conan O’Brien said, “The beauty is that through disappointment you can gain clarity, and with clarity comes conviction and true originality.” No, Bob Marley, I’m not always satisfied with the life I’m living, but it’s the one I have and I can/will make it count. The journey continues.
Until next Sunday,
Merry part and merry meet again,
Gypsi Mama Michelle