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Sunday, August 31, 2014

New York

Merry meet friends!
Michelle here, bringing lots of love and light

Empire State of Mind......Jay Z   Chorus... Alicia Keys
New York, concrete jungle where dreams are made of
There's nothin' you can't do
Now you're in New York
These streets will make you feel brand new
Big lights will inspire you
Let's hear it for New York, New York, New York

Each time I've been to New York on the bus, I usually travel at night and arrive early morning.  I took a 10am Megabus  from DC back in June which was pleasant.  This past week I took a 10am Greyhound from Richmond, VA.  This was not a good experience.  This is what happened:
Greyhound separates you in lanes according to your boarding number.  I was in the second lane with number 13.  One doesn't have to be in order within the lane.  I noticed that there were more than ten people in the first lane but didn't say anything.  A young man in my lane noticed and vocalized it.  I nodded in agreement.  No one did anything about it, however.  I wanted my duffel bag stored in the overhead area.  Once on the bus, the young man was seated in the second row on the right and I stopped in the second on the left.  He readily jumped to my assistance to help with the bag.  I guessed he felt a connection because I was the only one who seemed to agree with him earlier.
The bag wouldn't fit and so I said I would take it outside to store beneath the bus.  The young man stated that there was an empty seat on the first row in front of me and asked the woman seated there to be certain.  She stated that the seat was indeed vacant but then she stated, it's not for a bag, in a very defiant tone.  I agreed and took it out.  When I returned, I sat beside the woman on the front row because the original seat belonged to a woman and her young daughter.  Apparently while I was outside the front row woman had continued to speak about the situation.  He asked why was she having a smart mouth and she replied because he was stupid.  This led to him saying it wasn't the time or place but she would see him again and she asked if it were a threat.  Words flew back and forth between them.
Her phone rang but she was still mouthing.  Another call came in for her and she rang off the first to take the second.  She asked the person to meet her at Port Authority with some of his boys and for them to wear their uniforms.  She stated that she would start wearing her badge even while on vacation.  She said some fool had just gotten out of jail and wanted to show off.  When she hung up, the young man told her that she could have an army and he shouted vulgarities and she responded in kind.  The woman behind asked them to stop because of her young daughter.  The young man said he was just trying to help and that it wasn't his bag, he had Gucci.  He became quiet but the woman beside me continued.  I said to myself in the words of my deceased Grandfather, "Lawd, ain't I in it!".
The rest of the ride until the rest stop was peaceful.  When we returned to the bus, our seats had been placed in the upright position.  The woman beside me reclined hers.  The woman behind us asked her politely if she would place it upright because they had no leg room.  We didn't either.  The woman beside me stated that she didn't have it completely down to which the other woman asked if she would put it up more.  Well naturally she wouldn't and went on to say the woman was a nag and if the seats weren't supposed to recline they wouldn't be made that way.  There was more discussion about having or not having people in their lives.  The woman beside me stated that she had "tapped into" the other woman's conversation and knew that she was unhappy.  The woman behind became quiet but once again the woman beside me continued mouthing.
We were due to arrive in NY at 4:50pm.  At that tine we were still trying to get inside the Lincoln Tunnel.  The young man (the Gucci bag one) asked the woman behind me if he could use her phone to call his wife.  He stated that he had gotten a traffic ticket in VA and spent a night in jail and his phone was in his Benz.  I guess police woman knew what she was talking about.  We arrived at Port Authority at 6:30pm, one hour and a half later!  I was meeting/surprising some friends in Midtown for dinner.  We were due to meet at 5:30pm.  Iliana had to tell Sonya and Kristy that I was the surprise so they waited for me.
I had a margarita and dinner while we caught up with each other.  We walked to the train together.  Sonya left to go home and Iliana, Kristy and I continued to the East Village.  Kristy wanted her nose pierced.  Iliana and I both have our nose pierced so we went for support.  She waited until we found the third place and she liked the energy.  Kristy had the man to place her ring on the right since we had ours there.  She looked so cute with her diamond!  We then took the subway together, Kristy stayed on while we continued on to Brooklyn.  I was exhausted upon arrival and after preparing for bed fell asleep. What a day!

The next morning I rode the train to Manhattan to meet my son in order to help him look for an apartment.  He was so concerned that I was taking the train in from Brooklyn alone.  It's cute but I lived in NY and always took the train, albeit not from Brooklyn.  We met at Central Park West and went to see some places before having breakfast.  Jason has lived on the upper East side for five years but decided he wanted more diversity.  He thought he would try Harlem.  The upper East side has spoiled him.  He is used to having great culturally diverse restaurants within a few blocks of his home.  No Popeyes or KFC.  Harlem is different.  I asked Jason to determine what his priorities are: money, apartment amenities, neighborhood, train location, etc. 
As we walked around the neighborhoods, we would both say, "Oh there are a few Europeans.  On the upper East side one would probably see more African Americans than one would see Europeans, who are not visiting, in Harlem.  He wants diversity, not one ethnicity.  We went to a restaurant in another area for breakfast and as we waited to be served, we looked at each other and laughed.  We were thinking the same thing, more Europeans!  I said to him that it was funny that we using that as a guide to ethnic diversity.  We toured a few more neighborhoods.
I am the type of person who speaks to anyone and asks questions.  We went to one neighborhood which had vacancies in more than one building.  While Jason was trying to get someone on the phone, I saw a woman (European) get out of a car.  I stopped her and asked if she lived in the neighborhood.  She did and we exchanged questions and answers.  She said the tenants who had been there for a long time were moving out and more young professionals were moving in.  Each time a tenant left they renovated the apartment. She felt safe and stated that a few blocks up there were great restaurants.  She let us in the building and to see her apartment.  She lived on the same floor as the vacancy and said to Jason that they would be neighbors.  For the money, I think it was ideal.  We saw another area of Harlem that is being gentrified and the apartment was new.  It was fabulous!  It was a noisy block though but I think in a few months it will completely different.  After a few more stops we grabbed a bite and seeing that Jason was tired and knowing that I was, we called it quits.  Jason dropped me at the subway, no protests this time, I might add. 
Iliana and Bill ordered Thai for dinner and we had a delicious Chardonnay and Chablis.  Iliana asked if she could draw a bath to help me relax.  YES, I said!  I did relax and felt so much better.  The next morning we walked to the neighborhood health food store to get some additional breakfast items.  Iliana buys organic which is right up my alley.  She prepared breakfast.  Afterwards we walked around Prospect Park.  She was hoping I would see some loc haired men  per Sonya's suggestion, but alas, I didn't. After leftover Thai, I purchased my ticket and took the subway to Port Authority, heavy bag and all, but I made it.  I had a seat to myself, the bus was not crowded.  Traffic was good and we arrived 45 minutes ahead of schedule.  It was a really great trip even with the drama.  I'm glad I got to see some of my friends and to see the apartments with Jason.

Until next Sunday,
Merry part and merry meet again!
Blessed be,
Gypsi Mama Michelle

Monday, August 25, 2014

Richmond, VA/ Virginia Beach, VA

Merry meet friends!
Michelle here, bringing lots of love and light

Trust: firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability. or strength of someone or something
Communication: the imparting or exchange of information or news; means of connection between people or places in particular
Relationship: the way in which two or more concepts, objects or people are connected, or the state of being connected

"Trust is the glue of life. It's the most essential ingredient in effective communication. It's the foundational principle that holds all relationships.".....Stephen Covey

This past week started and ended with issues of trust, communication and relationship.  Trust for me is being able to be open, honest and vulnerable with those with whom we are in relationship.  I had a conversation on Monday with a relative about a particular issue I didn't understand.  I was given an answer to my question and then I questioned why the concerns had not been addressed.  The answer was that the person didn't know why.  I mentioned that we had just had a conversation about being open and honest and the person stated once again it wasn't known why.  I was not angry because we are all entitled to our opinions but I didn't understand the reason.  We ended the conversation but within five minutes we spoke again and I was offended by something said.  I told my relative this and went on to say that I thought it was better to not have a relationship.  I said this because I felt and still feel that if a person can not be open and honest, the relationship is surface.

On Monday night someone close to me that I had not spoken to in awhile asked if I were speaking to them.  On Tuesday morning I replied that as long as the person could be as open and honest with me as I am with him, then, yes we could speak but if not, we wouldn't be speaking now or in the future.  So he replied that he could be, to which I asked, would he and his answer was yes.  That evening we spoke and I asked questions about issues that had plagued me for a year.  I felt that the answers given were honest.  In one instance, I had done something a year and a half ago that he felt he could deal with but it would continue to return.  I do understand that because his actions pertaining to this subject would seesaw for me as well. When I asked why there had been no communication about the subject, the answer was that he didn't want to be seen in a certain light.  He went on to say that any actions or periods of non communication over the last year and a half were due to this situation.  I feel that reason could be used to cover anything that one would want to get away with easily.  There were other situational questions which had been answered with lies and when I inquired as to why, the answer was that it was easier to say this or that.  "Whoever is careless with the truth in small matters cannot be trusted with important matters."...Albert Einstein.   "For every good reason there is to lie, there is a better reason to tell the truth."...Bo Bennett

So of course given these two incidents and being a person who is always examining herself, I began to question if there is something about me which makes it difficult for people to be honest with me. I have always considered myself to be a person who can communicate easily with others.  I try to be as open, honest and authentic as I know. Most people tell me I am open.   I realize that I am, along with everyone else, still growing but I don't want to deceive myself into thinking I am something I am not.  After meditation and prayer I believe that these situations have more to do with the individuals than with me.  Sometimes people think that you will be angry with them and they would rather be disingenuous than honest and risk losing the relationship.  They don't seem to understand that not being completely open, and honest could cause that anyway.  "A relationship without trust is like a car without gas, you can stay in it all you want, but it won't go anywhere."  

I went to VA Beach over the weekend with seven friends.  One of the females misunderstood a look or a word given by another person on Saturday and shutdown.  At first we didn't know with whom she was upset because she wouldn't talk about it.  She distanced herself from us.  I did not want the return ride to Richmond to have an air of contention and so I said to the others that I would ask her to forgive me if I said or did anything to offend her.  When I did that, she said that I had done nothing.  Well at this point we knew that someone had.  We all talked it out and the air was cleared but we conveyed to her that when and if we have misunderstandings with one another, we talk about them.  We don't want things (and usually they are small things) to fester.  Communication was the key element in this circumstance;  allowing oneself to be vulnerable enough to state how one feels even if it means losing the friendship.  This person doesn't trust easily and felt that her trust had been violated, I guess.  Eminem sums up how she feels....."Trust is hard to come by.  That's why my circle is small and tight.  I'm kind of funny about making new friends."   But open and honest dialogue cleared up everything in a matter of minutes.

I am so appreciative of the people in my circle.  I don't feel that any of them would be in my circle long if I couldn't trust them and be vulnerable.  I have two friends that I have had for years.  I understand them and they understand me completely.  "A blessed thing it is for any man or woman to have a friend, one human soul whom we can trust utterly, who knows the best and worst of us, and who loves us in spite of all our faults.".... Charles Kingsley.  Those two friends are Millie and Celeste.  I honestly can't tell you what we have in common, meaning I haven't made a list.  There are commonalities, of course, which is why we became friends in the first place.  In talking to Celeste about this, she said she felt the same way but in the conversation, she realized that our friendship wasn't based on tangible things.  She's right, it's deeper than that.  It's the same with Millie.  Of course I believe I have several friends who love me "in spite of" and I said as much on my last birthday. I thanked everyone for helping me celebrate, for knowing me and liking me anyway.  Human Beings are complicated and it can be hard to love and/or like some people.  So when we find those that we can love and like and they feel the same way, it's a beautiful thing.

"Learning to trust is one of life's most difficult tasks."... Isaac Watts.  It can be hard to regain trust once it has been broken.  Not only with the person who broke the trust but with others as well.  "Trust is like a vase, once it's broken, though you can fix it the vase will never be the same."    However we can choose to allow ourselves to risk, to be vulnerable, to trust again and ultimately to be in relationship again.  It takes open, honest communication and the willingness to be seen.  In my first year of seminary, we did an exercise on the first day of class.  We had to find a partner and introduce ourselves in this manner: "I'm Michelle, I'm here to be seen.  The partner would say, "Hi Michelle, I see you".  Then we would do the reverse.  We did this with each person in the room.  This exercise was not about vanity.  It was about the willingness to see the true person and to have our true selves seen as well.  Powerful!  I want to be seen by everyone and myself also.  I don't want to hide who I AM.  I want all of us to do the same and it starts by being open, honest, vulnerable and communicating our feelings with one another.  Let's not be like this Friedrich Nietzsche quote: "I'm not upset that you lied to me.  I'm upset that from now on I can't believe you."  I want to trust YOU and have you trust ME!

Until next Sunday,
Merry part and merry meet again.
Blessed be,
Gypsi Mama Michelle 

Sunday, August 17, 2014

Week 10/Richmond VA

Merry meet friends!
Michelle here bringing lots of love and light.....

"We have to dare to be ourselves, however frightening or strange that self may prove to be".......May Sarton

Earlier in the week in a conversation with my youngest son, Jason, he brought up the subject of conviction; standing strong for your beliefs, regardless of popular opinion and being who you are.  He said that he always admired a stand that I had taken several years ago.  When he and Tiffany were in elementary school and Zakiya was in middle school, we held hands around the flag pole in front of the middle school and prayed.  It was National Prayer Day and people all over the country were being asked to gather around flag poles and pray.  We were the only four at the school.  Jason said since it wasn't his school that he wasn't embarrassed but his sisters were.  A few years ago, Zakiya told me that she hated me for making her participate but as she grew older, she realized the value of standing for one's convictions.  There were no TV cameras or newspaper reporters; it was just us and Spirit.  The following year on the front page of the newspaper, students were pictured around the flag pole at a different school praying.

In this lifetime I have typically been a pioneer.  In the sixties when Afro hairstyles became popular, I was the first female (possibly person but I don't remember) to wear the style in high school.  There were rumors that the Principal was going to expel me.  Being me, I took the bull by the horns and asked him if that were true.  He told me that while he didn't like the style he would not expel me as long as it was neat and clean.  I also wore the first mini skirt to high school.  One of the hall monitors, as I walked by her, said, "They're getting mighty short."  I went to NY every summer and purchased school clothes along with the clothes my aunt sewed.  At that time fashion hit NY first.  There have been other times in my life when I either did or thought something before those around me; not every time or all of the time but enough times.  I was becoming more "me".

Carl G. Jung said, "The privilege of a lifetime is to become who you truly are.".  Sometimes it can seem to take a lifetime for this to occur.  We go through many phases before we begin to "become ourselves".  That transformation can feel frightening or strange, yet it is who we truly are inside.  We begin to dress differently or try different hairstyles because we feel something happening but we don't always know what it is.  It's akin to puberty in a sense.  The difference, I guess, is that instead of growing up, we're growing in.  And maybe that's also growing up as well.  We accept who we have been beneath all of the layers we have buried ourselves under.  We take off our masks and we begin to live authentically. "There is nothing more beautiful than seeing a person being themselves. Imagine going through your day being  unapologetically you".....Steve Maraboli.  Unapologetically you, unapologetically me, just being the awesome person that God/Goddess and All That Is created.  AND WE ARE AWESOME!!!!

We also have to realize that we are enough.  When I consciously began my journey of self acceptance, there was a song we used to sing in Science of Mind that I sort of made my motto.  It's called "I Love Myself".  It's about accepting ourselves as we are.  This is the verse that was my motto: I love myself the way I am, and still I want to grow  But change can only come outside when deep inside, I know   I'm beautiful and capable of being the best me I can and I love myself just the way I AM, I love myself just the way I AM!  I was singing that once and crying and Jason came in and kissed me.  I still cry when I hear it.  I've mentioned Sam Christensen before and his workshop that I took about myths and finding your lane.  One of my "essences" was "just what I need to be and more when called upon".  From that he deduced that my myth was measure (I'll explain at another time).  On the way home from the workshop I thought about that and suddenly, I cried out. "I'm enough!".  I cried from DC to Richmond because I AM Enough and so is everyone else. What a revelation for me to realize that!  "Belonging starts with self acceptance...Believing that you're enough is what gives you the courage to be authentic"....Brene Brown.

Being authentic in a world that is constantly trying to make us someone else or like every one else can be daunting to say the least.  I guess that's why we like, at least I like them, movies such as Divergent and The Hunger Games.  They are about acceptance of our strengths and unique characteristics.  There are some people, and I have been/am one of them, who feel as if we have never fit in anywhere.  We struggle to find our place in the world.  People want to belong, to be a part of and so that feeling of "not belonging" can have one feeling like an outsider.  But as stated in the quote above, "belonging starts with self acceptance".  We are who we are.  I'm happy to live in a world with so many diverse personalities and cultures.  If we could just learn to embrace our differences we would see that our differences make us the same.  Why?, because we are all different and all unique; that's the same for everyone.  We don't need to fit in, we just need to be who we are, always.  Judy Garland said, "Always be a first rate version of yourself instead of a second-rate version of someone else.".

I taught my children something that day long ago when we stood around the flag pole and prayed even if they didn't recognize it at the time.  Be true to yourself, stand up for what you believe in.  I also learned that for myself as well, because although they never knew it, I was a little afraid also.  But I wanted them to know that when we say we believe in something or that we are this type of person, we must be prepared to show it, even if it means persecution.  I leave with these two quotes:
"No one man, for any considerable time, wear one face to himself, and another to the multitude, without finally getting bewildered as to which is the true one.".....Nathaniel Hawthorne
"Be yourself.  The world worships an original.".....Ingrid Bergman

Until next Sunday,
Merry part and merry meet again
Blessed be!
Gypsi Mama Michelle

Sunday, August 10, 2014

Week 9/ Richmond, VA

Merry meet friends....
Michelle here bringing lots of love and light

"Beautiful young people are accidents of nature, but beautiful old people are works of art" - Eleanor Roosevelt

Perception: the way you think about or understand someone or something; the ability to understand or notice something easily

As we age, our perceptions about aging changes.  When we look back, we realize we were so young when we thought/said/or did that, whatever that may have been.  When looking ahead, we think a certain age is so old and we don't understand how anyone could think/say/or do that, whatever that may be. 

As a teenager I went to New York every summer to work and to visit my aunts, the twins, Virginia and Vivian.  The saying at the time was, "Hide your things, Mickie's coming." It wasn't said because I would take anything but because I would want it (clothes/jewelry) and ask to have it.  I didn't understand how if I liked it, my aunts could like it as well.  After all, they were old!  They didn't act old I just thought that they were.  I mean they were mothers for goodness sake!  The fact of the matter is that they are only 13 years older than I, which means at the time, that they were 28-30.  Of course it didn't occur to me that perhaps I was too young to like their things.

We all know our ages but sometimes the realization of it happens very suddenly.  It happened for me when I was 49.  My oldest daughter, Zakiya, was ending her first year at Howard University.  The entire family was there to help her move.  For some reason, my children always seem to feel that I shouldn't do any lifting, (which by the way keeps you strong) and will relegate me to the side.  As I stood in the hallway of the dorm listening to my daughter and her friends chatter about their summer plans, I had a thought.  The thought was this: "when did I stop being 18; when did I become 49 and someone's mother; how do I know how to tell someone what to do?"  It felt like the twilight zone. (ok I remember The Twilight Zone, geez!)  It felt as if I had stepped into another dimension of time and I suppose on some level I had.  That was a defining moment for me.

People either accept, embrace or fight aging.  For some, acceptance means to settle into it; to stop doing anything or going anywhere; to wait for the end that's certainly coming.  Others embrace it as a part of the life cycle, making peace with it but not allowing it to define them; they are actively living. Then there are those who fight with all the energy they have; potions, surgery, cosmetics, etc.  I can understand this because western culture does not appear to honor their elders, male and female, as other cultures do.    Andy Rooney said, "It's paradoxical that the idea of living a long life appeals to everyone, but the idea of getting old doesn't appeal to anyone."  Again, society seems to be the culprit here.  I know that men have their issues with aging as well as women but it sometimes seems as if older women are invisible.

When I was around 8 or 9 years of age, I remember loving grey hair and saying to God that when my hair turned grey I would never color it.  I noticed grey strands in my twenties and said to God that we would have to rethink my childhood statement.  In 2008 when I was in Los Angeles, I wore my hair in cornrows because I was in an exercise program and it was easier to handle.  At the time I was coloring my hair but was not having it done in LA.  I noticed the grey growing in against my tanned face and loved how it looked.  I decided that I would have the color cut out when I returned to VA.  In 2009 I did just that.  At first I was concerned that it would make me look older but the stylist Gloria, who is also my friend, said that it would be my attitude and hair style that would determine that.  She was right and I have had more people stop me or recognize me by my hair.

So a few weeks ago a female friend asked  tentatively, if I ever thought about coloring my hair and I answered no. I'm very comfortable with my hair color.  She went on to say that she was thinking about experimenting with a different color.  Now, the mind can and will carry us to a multitude of places.  I immediately began to wonder if she thought I looked old or if she thought that I was making people wonder about her age since we were together.  I didn't ask her any of those questions however, but I did wonder.  The funny thing is that it was my hair that attracted her to me in the first place.  It's not the same style and I think radiation has changed the texture somewhat but still.  Any way this incident started me thinking about all of the things that we do to avoid "looking older".  I began to ask myself for whom are we trying to look younger, ourselves, others or both? 

There is a quote attributed to Marilyn Monroe that says: "I want to grow old without facelifts...I want to have the courage to be loyal to the face I've made. Sometimes I think it would be easier to avoid old age, to die young, but then you'd never complete your life, would you? You'd never wholly know you." It's a pity she never got to find out.  George Orwell said - " At 50, everyone has the face he/she deserves."  I feel as if I've earned my face; sags, bags, crows feet and wrinkles.  No one knows my story but me as no one knows yours but you.  Would I like to see my face and body without these things?  Of course there are times when I look in the mirror and shudder but then I remember, you've earned this face and this body.  I am exercising and eating clean to be healthy and not to fit someone's or my own perception of how I should look. 

I have been the Maiden, the Mother and am now the Crone.  I hope to be a juicy one, a vibrant one, a wild one.  I hope to never stop playing, laughing, dancing, crying, making love.  I want to run with the wolves (thank you Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estes) and howl at the moon when its full.  I invited the women at the Herbal Immersion to be a wild woman and howl with me, to embrace who they are and enjoy life whatever the age.  I like to say that we are the ages we are because of the twelve month calendar we use. If we used a six month calendar, we would be twice our age, a two year calendar we would be half our age.  Aging is something we all do but let us not fear it, the only alternative is death, so let's rock with it, roll with it. 
"And the beauty of a woman, with passing years only grows!" - Audrey Hepburn

Until next Sunday.....
Merry part and merry meet again, Blessed be!
Gypsi Mama Michelle

Sunday, August 3, 2014

Week 8/Richmond, VA

Merry meet friends!
Michelle here, bringing lots of love and light....

"And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom"..-Anais Nin

The inward journey of this past week has felt like a roller coaster; climbing higher and higher then dropping suddenly to a low, going around curves, being steady, then back to the ascent and descent. Whew!, so many emotions dealt with daily.  I didn't know what I was feeling.  I can only say I was feeling "some type of way".  No, that's not entirely true.  I was feeling anxious as if I were waiting for something.  The last time I felt that way was in October, 2012 and in November, 2012, I discovered the lump in my breast.  Hmmm?!  So I sent my friend, fellow seminary graduate, and spiritual coach, Rev. Iliana Delgardo, a text.  It said something like, why do I keep having these highs and lows, why can't I be steady with my emotions and some of it has to do with "xyz".  True to form, Iliana asked me to call her in 15 minutes and I did.

Iliana allowed me to express what I was feeling and she listened intently as she always does.  She asked some questions which led to a discussion, which led to more questions, which led to more discussion.  Iliana said to me that I had undergone a life altering experience with my trip to Earthaven, and that I had taken several hits.  I replied yes, in the last two years and she said I mean in your life, period.  She felt that because of these that I was transitioning into the new me.  Iliana explained it this way: she said that if I had been a stage four Michelle, I was now becoming or was, a stage five Michelle but that I was holding onto stage four.  She said stage four was what I knew and that it was comfortable so I didn't want to leave it..  I told her that I didn't know that person and it was a little scary.  She agreed that it could be, but while it was comfortable, it was also uncomfortable because it was no longer me and didn't fit.

I remember a dream my friend Millie had once about being on a merry go round.  She said that she was holding the brass ring with one hand and reaching for the gold with the other, but she wouldn't let go of the brass.  The only way that she could get the gold was to let go of the brass.  It's the same thing.  Food for thought.

Later that day, I spoke with my oldest daughter.  She is about to start a business which she loves and is more than qualified to do.  She was feeling overwhelmed and having some doubts.  I told her what Iliana had said to me about not stepping into "me".  And as we spoke, I said to her, your future self is already successfully doing this business, you need to start it in the present and stop delaying your future.  That statement made me remember a revelation that I had in early 2013 about past, present and future.  I shared that with Zakiya when I had the revelation and reminded her of it.  I had been listening to Rev. Michael Beckwith of Agape when he said something about time.  I have always heard that the past, present and future happen simultaneously but never quite understood it.  This is what I "saw" that day.

I saw that when we make a statement in the present about what we plan/intend/are going to do in the future (which lives in our thoughts), when that day comes it is now our present and the day we said it (which lives in our thoughts) is now our past.  In that sense the past, the present and the future are happening simultaneously.  The future becomes the present, the present becomes the past, the past becomes the future: I am, I was, I will.  It still boggles my mind!  Maybe that's not what the scientists meant but it's how I saw it and I had forgotten it until that moment with Zakiya.  That's why I could say to her that her future self was already doing what she was planning in the present and one day the  present plan would be her past and her now future will be her present.  Wow!  Her sister, Tiffany has encouraged her and her brother, Jason has given her sound business advice.  She's on a roll now!

I've also been doing some thinking about relationships and the different emotions we pass through on these "ships".  Anyone who knows me knows that I feel called to the empowerment of women and that I wish to teach women about our worth.  So in thinking about relationships and why women tend to deeply feel pain when we are deceived (men, I have sons and I know you hurt as well but this thought applies to women), this is what I heard.  Our yoni (Sanskrit for "vagina" or "womb" is the symbol for the Goddess) is sacred.  It is a container of life.  It is a temple and we need to be careful about who we let enter into our temple.  In the Bible, there is the outer court, the holy place and the holy of holies.  In another sense I see this for women, as our bodies/personalities, etc., the mind and lastly our yoni.  It is the most holy place because life comes from it and so does blood and life is in the blood.  We cannot allow the profane into the holy of holies.  It can defile us. 

When we haven't used discernment as to who should enter, we hurt and grieve.  It is true that even when we have used discernment wisely, we can grieve the loss of a relationship but I think the grieving is different when we haven't been deceived.  Jesus was angry when the money changers were in the temple.  I liken that to prostitutes who aren't aware that the yoni is sacred and allow money changers in the temple.  I understand that people do what they feel they must to survive sometimes but I also believe that with awareness comes change.  I cry for my sisters and how we see ourselves, I hurt and I grieve.  Anais Nin also said, "We don't see the world as it is, we see it as we are"   May I be an instrument of change for myself and all women.

Until next Sunday...
Merry part and merry meet again...
Blessed be,
Gypsi Mama Michelle