Merry meet friends!
Michelle here, bringing lots of love and light
Trust: firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability. or strength of someone or something
Communication: the imparting or exchange of information or news; means of connection between people or places in particular
Relationship: the way in which two or more concepts, objects or people are connected, or the state of being connected
"Trust is the glue of life. It's the most essential ingredient in effective communication. It's the foundational principle that holds all relationships.".....Stephen Covey
This past week started and ended with issues of trust, communication and relationship. Trust for me is being able to be open, honest and vulnerable with those with whom we are in relationship. I had a conversation on Monday with a relative about a particular issue I didn't understand. I was given an answer to my question and then I questioned why the concerns had not been addressed. The answer was that the person didn't know why. I mentioned that we had just had a conversation about being open and honest and the person stated once again it wasn't known why. I was not angry because we are all entitled to our opinions but I didn't understand the reason. We ended the conversation but within five minutes we spoke again and I was offended by something said. I told my relative this and went on to say that I thought it was better to not have a relationship. I said this because I felt and still feel that if a person can not be open and honest, the relationship is surface.
On Monday night someone close to me that I had not spoken to in awhile asked if I were speaking to them. On Tuesday morning I replied that as long as the person could be as open and honest with me as I am with him, then, yes we could speak but if not, we wouldn't be speaking now or in the future. So he replied that he could be, to which I asked, would he and his answer was yes. That evening we spoke and I asked questions about issues that had plagued me for a year. I felt that the answers given were honest. In one instance, I had done something a year and a half ago that he felt he could deal with but it would continue to return. I do understand that because his actions pertaining to this subject would seesaw for me as well. When I asked why there had been no communication about the subject, the answer was that he didn't want to be seen in a certain light. He went on to say that any actions or periods of non communication over the last year and a half were due to this situation. I feel that reason could be used to cover anything that one would want to get away with easily. There were other situational questions which had been answered with lies and when I inquired as to why, the answer was that it was easier to say this or that. "Whoever is careless with the truth in small matters cannot be trusted with important matters."...Albert Einstein. "For every good reason there is to lie, there is a better reason to tell the truth."...Bo Bennett
So of course given these two incidents and being a person who is always examining herself, I began to question if there is something about me which makes it difficult for people to be honest with me. I have always considered myself to be a person who can communicate easily with others. I try to be as open, honest and authentic as I know. Most people tell me I am open. I realize that I am, along with everyone else, still growing but I don't want to deceive myself into thinking I am something I am not. After meditation and prayer I believe that these situations have more to do with the individuals than with me. Sometimes people think that you will be angry with them and they would rather be disingenuous than honest and risk losing the relationship. They don't seem to understand that not being completely open, and honest could cause that anyway. "A relationship without trust is like a car without gas, you can stay in it all you want, but it won't go anywhere."
I went to VA Beach over the weekend with seven friends. One of the females misunderstood a look or a word given by another person on Saturday and shutdown. At first we didn't know with whom she was upset because she wouldn't talk about it. She distanced herself from us. I did not want the return ride to Richmond to have an air of contention and so I said to the others that I would ask her to forgive me if I said or did anything to offend her. When I did that, she said that I had done nothing. Well at this point we knew that someone had. We all talked it out and the air was cleared but we conveyed to her that when and if we have misunderstandings with one another, we talk about them. We don't want things (and usually they are small things) to fester. Communication was the key element in this circumstance; allowing oneself to be vulnerable enough to state how one feels even if it means losing the friendship. This person doesn't trust easily and felt that her trust had been violated, I guess. Eminem sums up how she feels....."Trust is hard to come by. That's why my circle is small and tight. I'm kind of funny about making new friends." But open and honest dialogue cleared up everything in a matter of minutes.
I am so appreciative of the people in my circle. I don't feel that any of them would be in my circle long if I couldn't trust them and be vulnerable. I have two friends that I have had for years. I understand them and they understand me completely. "A blessed thing it is for any man or woman to have a friend, one human soul whom we can trust utterly, who knows the best and worst of us, and who loves us in spite of all our faults.".... Charles Kingsley. Those two friends are Millie and Celeste. I honestly can't tell you what we have in common, meaning I haven't made a list. There are commonalities, of course, which is why we became friends in the first place. In talking to Celeste about this, she said she felt the same way but in the conversation, she realized that our friendship wasn't based on tangible things. She's right, it's deeper than that. It's the same with Millie. Of course I believe I have several friends who love me "in spite of" and I said as much on my last birthday. I thanked everyone for helping me celebrate, for knowing me and liking me anyway. Human Beings are complicated and it can be hard to love and/or like some people. So when we find those that we can love and like and they feel the same way, it's a beautiful thing.
"Learning to trust is one of life's most difficult tasks."... Isaac Watts. It can be hard to regain trust once it has been broken. Not only with the person who broke the trust but with others as well. "Trust is like a vase, once it's broken, though you can fix it the vase will never be the same." However we can choose to allow ourselves to risk, to be vulnerable, to trust again and ultimately to be in relationship again. It takes open, honest communication and the willingness to be seen. In my first year of seminary, we did an exercise on the first day of class. We had to find a partner and introduce ourselves in this manner: "I'm Michelle, I'm here to be seen. The partner would say, "Hi Michelle, I see you". Then we would do the reverse. We did this with each person in the room. This exercise was not about vanity. It was about the willingness to see the true person and to have our true selves seen as well. Powerful! I want to be seen by everyone and myself also. I don't want to hide who I AM. I want all of us to do the same and it starts by being open, honest, vulnerable and communicating our feelings with one another. Let's not be like this Friedrich Nietzsche quote: "I'm not upset that you lied to me. I'm upset that from now on I can't believe you." I want to trust YOU and have you trust ME!
Until next Sunday,
Merry part and merry meet again.
Gypsi Mama Michelle