Merry meet friends!
Michelle here, bringing lots of love and light....
"And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom"..-Anais Nin
The inward journey of this past week has felt like a roller coaster; climbing higher and higher then dropping suddenly to a low, going around curves, being steady, then back to the ascent and descent. Whew!, so many emotions dealt with daily. I didn't know what I was feeling. I can only say I was feeling "some type of way". No, that's not entirely true. I was feeling anxious as if I were waiting for something. The last time I felt that way was in October, 2012 and in November, 2012, I discovered the lump in my breast. Hmmm?! So I sent my friend, fellow seminary graduate, and spiritual coach, Rev. Iliana Delgardo, a text. It said something like, why do I keep having these highs and lows, why can't I be steady with my emotions and some of it has to do with "xyz". True to form, Iliana asked me to call her in 15 minutes and I did.
Iliana allowed me to express what I was feeling and she listened intently as she always does. She asked some questions which led to a discussion, which led to more questions, which led to more discussion. Iliana said to me that I had undergone a life altering experience with my trip to Earthaven, and that I had taken several hits. I replied yes, in the last two years and she said I mean in your life, period. She felt that because of these that I was transitioning into the new me. Iliana explained it this way: she said that if I had been a stage four Michelle, I was now becoming or was, a stage five Michelle but that I was holding onto stage four. She said stage four was what I knew and that it was comfortable so I didn't want to leave it.. I told her that I didn't know that person and it was a little scary. She agreed that it could be, but while it was comfortable, it was also uncomfortable because it was no longer me and didn't fit.
I remember a dream my friend Millie had once about being on a merry go round. She said that she was holding the brass ring with one hand and reaching for the gold with the other, but she wouldn't let go of the brass. The only way that she could get the gold was to let go of the brass. It's the same thing. Food for thought.
Later that day, I spoke with my oldest daughter. She is about to start a business which she loves and is more than qualified to do. She was feeling overwhelmed and having some doubts. I told her what Iliana had said to me about not stepping into "me". And as we spoke, I said to her, your future self is already successfully doing this business, you need to start it in the present and stop delaying your future. That statement made me remember a revelation that I had in early 2013 about past, present and future. I shared that with Zakiya when I had the revelation and reminded her of it. I had been listening to Rev. Michael Beckwith of Agape when he said something about time. I have always heard that the past, present and future happen simultaneously but never quite understood it. This is what I "saw" that day.
I saw that when we make a statement in the present about what we plan/intend/are going to do in the future (which lives in our thoughts), when that day comes it is now our present and the day we said it (which lives in our thoughts) is now our past. In that sense the past, the present and the future are happening simultaneously. The future becomes the present, the present becomes the past, the past becomes the future: I am, I was, I will. It still boggles my mind! Maybe that's not what the scientists meant but it's how I saw it and I had forgotten it until that moment with Zakiya. That's why I could say to her that her future self was already doing what she was planning in the present and one day the present plan would be her past and her now future will be her present. Wow! Her sister, Tiffany has encouraged her and her brother, Jason has given her sound business advice. She's on a roll now!
I've also been doing some thinking about relationships and the different emotions we pass through on these "ships". Anyone who knows me knows that I feel called to the empowerment of women and that I wish to teach women about our worth. So in thinking about relationships and why women tend to deeply feel pain when we are deceived (men, I have sons and I know you hurt as well but this thought applies to women), this is what I heard. Our yoni (Sanskrit for "vagina" or "womb" is the symbol for the Goddess) is sacred. It is a container of life. It is a temple and we need to be careful about who we let enter into our temple. In the Bible, there is the outer court, the holy place and the holy of holies. In another sense I see this for women, as our bodies/personalities, etc., the mind and lastly our yoni. It is the most holy place because life comes from it and so does blood and life is in the blood. We cannot allow the profane into the holy of holies. It can defile us.
When we haven't used discernment as to who should enter, we hurt and grieve. It is true that even when we have used discernment wisely, we can grieve the loss of a relationship but I think the grieving is different when we haven't been deceived. Jesus was angry when the money changers were in the temple. I liken that to prostitutes who aren't aware that the yoni is sacred and allow money changers in the temple. I understand that people do what they feel they must to survive sometimes but I also believe that with awareness comes change. I cry for my sisters and how we see ourselves, I hurt and I grieve. Anais Nin also said, "We don't see the world as it is, we see it as we are" May I be an instrument of change for myself and all women.
Until next Sunday...
Merry part and merry meet again...
Gypsi Mama Michelle