Richmond, VA

Merry meet Friends

Michelle here, bringing lots of love and light

 

“My soul is impatient with itself, as with a bothersome child; its restlessness keeps growing and is forever the same.  Everything interests me, but nothing holds me.”….Fernando Pessoa

“I could not help it: the restlessness was in my nature; it agitated me to pain sometimes.”….Charlotte Bronte, Jane Eyre

“The restlessness and the longing, like the longing that is in the whistle of a faraway train.  Except that the longing isn’t really in the whistle-it is in you.”…..Meindert DeJong, The Little Cow and the Turtle

“From that first moment of doubt, there was no peace for her; from the time she first imagined leaving her forest, she could not stand in one place without wanting to be somewhere else.  She trotted up and down beside her pool, restless and unhappy.  Unicorns are not meant to make choices.  She said no, and yes, and no again, day and night, and for the first time she began to feel the minutes crawling over her like worms.”…..Peter S. Beagle, The Last Unicorn

“I am a restlessness inside a stillness inside a restlessness.”….Dodie Smith, I Capture the Castle

 

Jennie Allen, author of Restless, explains restlessness in this way: “Restless explores the fact that God has called each of us to do great things in his name, and then helps us discover what that might mean for each of us individually.”   Jennie says, “We are called to dream but we’re afraid to.  But because we are called, when we don’t act on it we become restless-restless to find purpose, to make a difference in the world, to matter.”  Most dictionaries define restlessness as an uneasy state, bored, not being calm or at ease.  I don’t think that’s too far off of Jennie Allen’s explanation.  If we are not living our purpose, we do become bored and uneasy.  We are looking for (we don’t always know what but we know it’s) something.  I think it is something significant, something that matters or makes a difference.

I get restless on more occasions than I care to admit but this week it has been almost unbearable.   One reason that I may be more restless than usual is the approaching of Mabon or the Autumn Equinox.   Mabon marks the middle of harvest.  It’s a time for reaping what’s been sown, finishing up old projects and plans and planting the seeds for new enterprises or a change in lifestyle.  It is also a time of looking back not just on the past year but on your life and to plan for the future.  It’s a time of rest and celebration.  (Thank you White Goddess for the information).  Maybe my restlessness will turn into rest on the actual day of Mabon.

I always liken my restlessness to a tiger in a cage.  The tiger prances from one end to the other, back and forth, back and forth, back and forth.  "I know why the caged tiger prances."...ME.  It knows it doesn’t belong in a cage.  It knows it’s supposed to be free, wild and spontaneous.  It was born to be that way; it is its nature.  I feel like that sometimes.  I feel as if I am in a cage and I must break free.  I feel that the reality of who I am is locked away in this cage and I am not being the person that I was born to be.  In the spiritual world, we call it “divine discontentment” because we feel it is Spirit causing the restlessness.  That’s what Jennie Allen is saying.

I know that my traveling plans have had to change temporarily and I have accepted that but this is not about that.  This is an inward feeling like an itch that can’t be scratched.  This is akin to wanting to jump out of one’s skin.  I believe that I have always been this way.  Probably the proverbial “monkey on my back” that my cousin Debbie said her mom, my aunt, said about me.  Maybe I have never felt as if I were living the life that Spirit intended for me to live.  The problem is that I’m not sure what that life is and so I go back and forth, prancing in my self- imposed cage.  In this lifetime, I have had many interests, taken several classes, and read many books.  I seem to always be looking for something. 

Another thing that’s said in New Thought is that what you’re looking for is looking for you as well.  I do believe that, I just wish that we would hurry and meet.  I’m reminded of an episode of “All in the Family”, a TV show in the 70’s.  Edith was going through menopause or “the change”.  When she began to act differently, Archie inquired as to what was happening.  Edith or her daughter explained that it was the change.  Archie stopped Edith and said, “If you’re going to change, then hurry up and change.”  He was tired of waiting for it to happen and I do understand.  Find me already, new life!  I must be closer, however, because this time the restlessness is worse than it has ever been. 

I write poetry.  Most of them are about self-discovery and the restlessness I feel and have felt.  I’d like to share one written in 1998 and another written in 1996.

The Forever Me

Peeping, searching, trying to find
The person I’m meant to be
The one created before time began
The one that’s simply “me”
The one I see beyond my eyes
When in the mirror I peer
The one that’s free from hurt and pain
Having love instead of fear
The one who laughs and sings and dances
Uninhibited and carefree
Amazed by the gift we’ve been given
And what we were created to be
Abundantly filled with love and joy
A spirit free and wild
Possessing the wisdom of sages
But having the heart of a child

Michelle LaForest-Roberts,
©5/20/98 through 10/24/98

 

The Search

What are you searching?
I hear my soul say
You search so earnestly
Each and every day.

What are you seeking?
What do you hope to find?
Those are the questions
That stay on my mind

If I knew what I was searching
Said I to my soul
There would be no further searching
For therein is my goal

To know what I am looking for-
That haunts me like a ghost
Shroud in dark, dense mystery
Sometimes I hear it boast

Moving along the corridors
Of my troubled spirit
Whispering and taunting me
“You’re no closer to it.”

When will the answer be unveiled?
My probing heart must know,
For it is weeping silently
And singing songs of woe…

Me thinks that I am looking for
The “me” that no one sees
Who’s buried under childhood hopes
And long forgotten dreams

Who’s trying to rise above
So many discarded visions
To pick them up, dust them off
And then make some decisions

Will you continue to play dead
And hide yourself from you?
Or will you dare to be alive
And be seen in full view?

“What are you searching?”
I hear my soul say.
I now know the answer
And I’ll find me someday.

Michelle LaForest-Roberts
©1996

The 90’s were a turning point for me.  Yes, I’ve changed and am more aware of self and purpose than I was then but I’m still restless and the search still continues.

Until next Sunday….

Merry part and merry meet again,
Blessed be

Gypsi Mama Michelle