Merry meet friends..Michelle here, bringing lots of love and light!
"All day I think about it, then at night I say it.
Where did I come from, and what am I supposed to be doing?I have no idea.
My souls is from elsewhere, I’m sure of that,
And I intend to end up there.
This drunkenness began in some other tavern,
When I get back to that place,
I’ll be completely sober. Meanwhile,I’m like a bird from another continent, sitting in this aviary.
The day is coming when I fly off,
But who is it now in my ear who hears my voice?
Who says words with my mouth?
Who looks out with my eyes? What is the soul?
I cannot stop asking.If I could taste one sip of an answer”-----Rumi
Guru Satchidananda has a book entitled Know Thyself. There is a chapter in the book which speaks of “following the “I”. He is talking about asking yourself the questions that Rumi is asking: Who is the one doing the thinking, who is saying, “who is?”, etc. Satchidananda says that we all have a knower; one behind the eyes, ears, mouth, etc., who is the silent witness. Once after reading that chapter, I followed the “I”. I was sitting in a chair asking myself those questions. Before I knew it, my consciousness had expanded and although my body was sitting in the room, my consciousness was the room. I felt that it could have expanded to the house, outside, and beyond but I became fearful.
Having read about Shamanic experiences and how sometimes they could not get back to their bodies, I became afraid and my consciousness was once again limited. This was not an out of body experience, I have had that before. I would not have gotten lost outside of my body. But because I had never experienced this before, I didn’t know what to expect. I now know that it was an expansion of consciousness. I have tried several times to have that expansion again but to no avail. Peter walked on water following the command of Jesus but once he allowed fear to take hold, it was over. Fear is crippling.
In the Christian world, I have been told by a prophet that I too am a prophet. Reading The Elijah Task confirmed it. A prophet is one who having heard GOD, speaks to the people for GOD or by divine inspiration. A prophet sees and feels things, events, etc. before they happen; not always though. In the metaphysical world, I’ve been told that I am a “seer” and an intuitive. Intuitive: having the ability to know or understand things without any proof or evidence; having or characterized by intuition. I sense and feel things before they happen. These are different words in different worlds, having the same meaning. I bring this up because I have been writing about being restless and waiting for something. My friend and fellow OSIS graduate and minister, Rev. Sonya Brown sent me an article. She sent it because of a conversation we had and because of the restlessness.
Sonya said that I am “highly tuned in” so it seems I often get “it” early and that I get the “divine buzz” when there are major transits. The article is about some eclipses we are headed into. Sonya feels that I am “feeling” these shifts early. I do agree with that. I shared with Sonya that I know I sense things before they happen sometimes or just in general. However, I don’t always know that what I’m feeling or sensing is due to a planetary shift. I would never have attributed my restlessness to that. Maybe every time that I’m restless, it’s not due to that but it does make sense to me and explains a lot.
Lately, and by lately I mean for the past six months, but in reality all of my life, I've been feeling as if I don’t fit in anywhere or as if I don’t belong. Is this due to some planetary shifts at my birth? I probably need to look into that. As stated in the above poem by Rumi: “My soul is from elsewhere, I’m sure of that, and I intend to end up there.” I am a Sagittarius, with a Gemini moon and Scorpio rising. That means a lot of different things but short version: I love freedom, learning, traveling, communication and mysteries. I guess I can see how that might play into restlessness and feeling as if I don’t belong anywhere. To a wanderer the entire universe is our home; one place doesn’t do it for me, for long.
One definition for wanderer is, a person who travels aimlessly; a traveler. Another definition says, itinerant people, who wander from place to place with no permanent home, or are vagrant. Definitions make it sound so negative but it isn’t to me.. Wanderers may not know where they’re going initially but they know the place to stop and stay awhile when happened upon. “We wanderers, ever seeking the lonelier way, begin no day where we have ended another day; and no sunrise finds us where sunset left us.”--Khalil Gibran, The Prophet. The wanderer is always seeking, always searching, so naturally she doesn’t wish to stay anywhere for so long or form too many attachments.
I think that’s why marriage is something I never really wanted as a child or teen. My sister did though. She was always reading bridal magazines. I never, let me repeat that, never thought that I would be married twice. I know that women, at least in my generation, were expected to get married and raise children. Not so much today, maybe; expectation wise, I mean. I believe, in fact I know, that I am too free spirited to want to be tied down for too long. I am loyal when I love and respect someone but my interests are so varied that unless someone keeps me intellectually challenged, the bloom will be off the proverbial rose. I suppose that could make for a lonely existence as one gets older; maybe, maybe not.
Of Life And LoveWandering through the roads of life
Trying to find someone
To make us happy
To make us feel worthwhileTo give us importance
When all along the worthiness is inside of us
The joy, the peace, the happiness, the love
All inside waiting
Waiting to burst through the walls
We’ve built around ourselves,
To insulate us from the pain of
Loving and hurting and living
What a paradox!
Michelle LaForest Roberts©April 17, 1997
I’ve been asking questions about who I am and what my purpose is for such a long time. As I’ve said before, we are constantly becoming ourselves, so even if we know who we are at some stage of our lives, as we evolve, we aren’t always sure anymore. We try different things on for size to see if they fit this person we see now. Some things resonate and some don’t and that’s ok. Although we are all one, we are each different expressions of the ONE. There are so many parts to us that we don’t see or know.
Sometimes I have dreams about a house. It’s my house but as dreams go, it doesn’t always look like the one we’re in, but we know it’s ours. As I walk through the rooms of the house, I sometimes notice rooms that I had not seen before. Sometimes the rooms are in a basement, sometimes an attic or just another part of the house. They are always beautifully decorated and have my favorite things in them. However, the rooms had not been noticed before and weren’t being used. I’m always so amazed at what I find in the rooms and I wonder why I hadn’t ever seen them; especially since they’re in my house.
I think that the dream is about me. I am the house and the rooms are parts of me that I have yet to discover. Whenever I see these rooms, I want to linger there because they’re new and exciting and me! This is how I feel about the rooms/undiscovered parts of me:
Buried Treasure“Who are you?” was the question that myself asked me
“Are you completely finished or is there more to be?”
There’s always so much more to you, than just what meets the eye.Unobserved and unexplored is how most of you die.
Never taking, never making, time to just know “self”;Caught in a never ending spiral while obtaining wealth.
Oh, the riches one can find while examiningThe inner workings of the soul shroud in mystery.
But--mystery is only that as long as it’s not knownUncover what is buried and a treasure is what’s shown.
A treasure in all the world unequaled and so rare;Causing you to be awake, fully present and aware.
I heard the question, “Who are you?”, asked again and once moreDare to search, discover yourself, observe and explore!
Michelle LaForest Roberts©October, 1998
“The day is coming when I fly off” says Rumi. I don’t know when that is for me, but like Rumi it will be a place that I recognize because I’ve been there before. As T.S. Elliot said, “We shall not cease from exploration, and the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started and know the place for the first time.”
Until next Sunday,Merry part and merry meet again;
Blessed be!Gypsi Mama Michelle