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Sunday, February 15, 2015

New York

Merry meet Friends!
Michelle here, bringing lots of love and light!

"I don't think I'd be happy if I were satisfied.  I enjoy challenge.  And I wouldn't say that I'm an ambitious person career wise or financially.  Really.  I would like to travel more comfortably.  But that's really about all I need."  ~ Jason Isbell

So I've just ended my first week in New York.  I've been helping my son by getting the apartment in order.  I have unpacked, put away, rearranged, thrown away and cleaned.  Jason sat on the new sofa last night and said how the place now felt like an apartment.  He was mainly using it to shower, change and sleep.  I think he will now be more inclined to use it as a retreat from the outside world.  The first day that I rearranged things to make room for the sofa, he came in from work and said, "Oh I see you've been decorating.  I feel a little discombobulated."  I laughed.  I love to decorate and it feels good to help him.  Before the sofa arrived on Saturday, I placed the air mattress on the wall that I thought would best fit the sofa.  Jason wanted it elsewhere.  When he saw the air mattress on the wall he liked it.  Needless to say that's where the sofa is.  Sometimes we have to let them see for themselves.

I had several outings last week.  However I didn't venture out except for the store.  I DO NOT LIKE COLD WEATHER!  I also had plenty to do here and not being that familiar with the area, I didn't want to be out after dark.  But it really was more the cold weather.  I have outings again this week but I think I will brave the weather and go out.  I do wish to see my friends and family.  Growing up in Richmond, VA, the weather never seemed to be extremely cold or hot.  Like Goldilocks, it always seemed just right.  Yes, there were cold and hot days but they weren't unbearable.  Having traveled to other places, I realized that Richmond's weather is better than some and not as good as others.  But to me, now, it is also cold; though not as cold as NY.  I like Spring like temperatures and want that always.  I don't believe that I would miss Winter.

The restlessness is overtaking me again.  I think, for me anyway, that I look forward to being in a place or starting new things but once I've learned the thing or have done what I came to do, wanderlust sets in once again.  I know how to be content in situations in which I find myself; I just adapt.  So the question becomes, why doesn't the contentment last?  What's inside of me that keeps me looking, longing, wondering, etc.?  It's not that I am always unhappy in situations; no, it's more like something calls to me and I must answer.  It is like something says, "Time's up" and I'm gone before I leave.  I tell myself that I don't want to be restless but I'm lying to myself.  Let me explain.  I don't necessarily like the feeling of restlessness but I do like wondering and wandering.  I have always been curious.  I guess curiosity wins over not liking the feeling of restlessness.  Sometimes I feel as if I didn't complete something in a past life.  (Yes, I do believe in past lives.)  Perhaps this is why I wander.  I am looking for something and I'm not sure what it is. 

Sometimes I say to myself, "Why can't I be like other people and settle down?"  But I'm not other people, I am Me!  I have to accept all of me, the good, the bad, the  ugly and the beautiful parts of me that make a whole.  When I was raising my children, I wanted to be the best mom that I knew how to be.  I was content in that role at that time.  Oh, I still would get that far away look in my eyes and hear the call of the wild but I knew that motherhood was the role I was cast in at that time.  I think I played it well.  They say so anyway.  Now I'm playing the role of the Gypsy Wanderer.  I like this  role.  The world really is a stage (thank you Shakespeare) and we are the players.  We all act out the assigned roles we have been given.  At some point in our lives, a particular play closes and we "audition" for another.  Sometimes we choose the role and sometimes it's chosen for us.  But even in the ones chosen for us, we have a choice as to whether we act it out or not.

Even now, though I plan to be here until the end of the month, I hear the call of the wild.  In my spirit I an on the next adventure, even though I don't know what or where it is.  Sometimes not knowing will get to me even though not knowing is the thrill.  It is scary but in an exciting way.  When I visited my daughter in DC and now visiting here, I sometimes think that I want to settle down and get a place.  I do love to decorate and have my things speaking to me.  But I can sense or discern that now is not the time.  I am learning though all of this to lighten my load.  I am learning that I don't need as much as I think I need.  It is hard when packing to try and think about weather in different places and how to dress.  Thank Spirit for leggings.  We can dress them up or down.  I remember when I visited my friend Cher in NY in 2004.  Cher travels a lot and told me she packed lightly in black and/or white; tops, skirts, pants and added scarfs.  One is always ready for anything.  I still do over pack, Cher.  LOL  

As I await the next "call of the wild", I will enjoy my time here knowing that it will be over all too soon.  I will arrive at the next destination wondering why I'm there and if it's not the place to settle, I will hear the call to wander again and again, until I hear it no more.

Until next Sunday,
Merry part and merry meet again,
Blessed be,
Gypsi Mama Michelle

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