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Sunday, January 24, 2016

Richmond, VA

Merry meet Friends!
Michelle here, bringing lots of love and light!

"There are two paths of which one may choose in the walk of life; one we are born with, and the one we consciously blaze.  One is naturally true, while the other is a perceptive illusion.  Choose wisely at each fork in the road."  ~ T.F. Hodge, From Within I Rise: Spiritual Triumph Over Death and Conscious Encounters with "The Divine Presence"

"They thought that it would be a disgrace to go forth as a group.  Each entered the forest at a point that he himself had chosen, where it was the darkest and there was no path.  If there is a path it is someone else's path and you are not on the adventure." ~ Joseph Campbell, The Hero's Journey: Joseph Campbell  On His Life & Work

"When you find your path, you must ignore fear.  You need to have the courage to risk mistakes.  But once you are on that, run, run, and don't stop til you've reached its end." ~ Jose N. Harris, MI VIDA: A Story of Faith, Hope and Love

"The path to our destination is not always a straight one.  We go down the wrong road, we get lost. we turn back.  Maybe it doesn't matter which road we embark on.  Maybe what matters is that we embark."  ~ Barbara Hall

My musings this week, as one can tell, has been about paths; expected and unexpected ones.  Most of my life I have been consumed with "what to do".  I wanted to be sure that I was on the "right" path for my life.  So, naturally there have been many false starts, right starts, no starts; yet all of them have been "right" because all of them have been a part of my journey.  As I awaited the doctor's call this past week, I was at peace because  I knew that whatever the report, it was my journey.  I was ready to walk down whichever path I was led.  I would say to anyone that I was fine no matter what.  The thing is that I really meant and mean that.  (My only concern was my youngest daughter's upcoming wedding.  I didn't want her mind on anything except her wedding).  Whatever the doctor said would be the same for me.  Malignant or benign would be equal.  The doctor called me on Tuesday, January the 19th and said the calcifications were benign.  I thanked her and gave the news to my coworkers who were overjoyed.  So were my family and friends.  I felt tremendous love and relief from everyone and I am grateful for all prayers, well wishes and thoughts.

Even though any news had emotional equanimity, I thought about what I wanted to do with my life in the event the report said malignancy.  I felt, because there were so many and the breast was already smaller than the other, that it would probably demand a mastectomy and chemo this time.  I began to ponder what was truly important in my life; perhaps that is the point of all of this.  I want to experience living life fully; being totally in the moment, whether washing dishes or discovering a cure for cancer.  I wish to embrace each second as sacred because it is.  Yet I still want to answer the longings of my heart and heed the cries of my soul.  Gautama Buddha said, "If you do not change direction, you may end up where you are heading."   Selah!  

What's important to me?  What do I really desire?  What's important to any of us?  Do many of us take the the time to ask that question and wait for a response?  Are we afraid of what the answer may be?Are we afraid of where it might lead us OR from what it might take us?   Family and loved ones are always important to us, without question but what is hidden in your soul?  What are your dreams? Where do you wish life to take you?  Maybe you're already there. There is sacredness and fulfillment in every day living.  I know this to be true yet my soul still cries for "else".  Sarah Ban Breathnach has a book called "Something More: Excavating Your Authentic Self".  I read that and her first book, "Simple Abundance" in the 90's.  She was one of the first authors that I encountered on my "search for self".  I know myself better today than I did then yet I am constantly evolving into the person I was born to be.  So I guess I can say I know me at this stage of my life, the now me.  I am still excavating the authentic Michelle Marie.  

It is my desire to live in a higher state of consciousness than I have previously.  I'm always working on myself.  Sometimes I don't like what I see but I look at it directly.  It can't leave if I ignore it.  "This above all: to thine own self be true, And it must follow, as the night the day, Thou canst not then be false to any man."  ~ William Shakespeare   We must ask ourselves the hard questions.  We must explore the attics and basements of this house that we inhabit.  W e must dig deeper and deeper in order to know ourselves fully so that we may "be" ourselves.  

There is always something that triggers a change in our lives: illness, divorce, death of loved ones, birth, marriage, loss of income, etc. Something happens that gives us pause; that makes us rethink where we are headed.  This is the second time that the threat of cancer has caused me to take a look at this temple in which I live.  I need to honor it more than I have.  It's like a pet really.  It needs to be fed, exercised and loved.  Sometimes we treat others better than we do ourselves.  Exercising the mind and nourishing my spirit is equally important.  I've been quiet in my spirit since the doctor called on Tuesday.  I am contemplating and meditating on what's next for me. I believe that this was a wake up call for me to, well, wake up!  This quest for me is never ending and I'm glad.  Wherever I am led on this journey, this path of life, I hope to embrace it with all that I am and all that I have.  The point is to embark.

Until next Sunday,
Merry pat and merry meet again, 
Blessed be!,
Gypsi Mama Michelle   

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